So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
