i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
