he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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