every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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