hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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