I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
