i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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