So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
