i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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