2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
