Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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