suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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