i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
