you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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