At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
only you would photoshop your dick
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
