dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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