Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
