The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
