Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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