This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
