So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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