I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
