no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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