I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
