can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
