i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can feel your judgement through the phone
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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