I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
