fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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