It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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