Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize