Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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