So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
