he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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