im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
