She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Two words: blizzard sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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