M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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