Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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