all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
NoShamevember. You game?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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