It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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