Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
