I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
