her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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