She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
