he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
