trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
