You smell like a Billy Joel song
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
