he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
