Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
