i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Houston, we have a blender
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
