somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize