cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
