i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
