final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
