just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
