I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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