Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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