I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
