Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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