It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
whose parrot is this?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
