You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
