Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
