I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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