Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
