See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
