Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
